I’m sat at work (though technically all ‘work’ has finished) listening to cheesy music, drinking wine that a colleague got at Christmas, and eating exotic chocolates that were sent to me to try because I, er, write for a fashion blog. The chocs actually ended up costing quite a lot in customs charges, but it was worth it for the moblog pic.

In a few minutes it’s off to be reunited with my BFF from home. I say ‘reunited’, she was here about 3 weeks ago. The weekend is set to be taken up with much geekery. I may or may not be spending my Saturday night in front of the TV and then going to a Doctor Who exhibition and a John Barrowman ‘gig’ on Sunday. It depends how cool I want you to think I am.

Apparently the Barrowman affair includes a time set aside for ‘banter’ (in between showtunes and Osmonds covers). I would be lying if I wasn’t really excited about this.

To those of you who’ve just lost all respect for me, sorry about that. I’m hoping to readdress the balance by going to the Isle of Wight and Hard Rock Calling festivals. Possibly wearing skinny jeans, something from Urban Outfitters and an ethnic scarf. I will drink Carling out of a plastic cup and make comments about how it’s all so generic and Radio 1, before getting my photo taken with a member of the Kooks and putting it on my facebook.

1. “No offence, but…”
- I’m about to say something really offensive.

2. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
- But really it’s you.

3. “You can do better.”
- This is always said by your more attractive friend. They mean well, but they’re lying.

4. “I’m moving out next month.”
- Time to find a new housemate. Good luck with that.

5. “We’re having to make some cutbacks…”
- And you’re the first to go.

6. “I’m sorry, those were the last of the bags from that flight.”
- So have fun trying to get your suitcase back. Bye now!

7. “No, you’re not on the list.”
- So get lost. Even if you have been waiting for an hour in the rain.

8. “We’ve finished serving drinks now.”
- see above.

9. “Who’s your friend?”
- Because they’re way more attractive than you.

10. “Er, you know that ireplaceable plate / bowl / mug / glass you really loved?
- I broke it. Ha ha!