Fact: Digressica's post about London knife crime says everything I want to say about London knife crime, but in a much funnier way. If I address the subject, I am likely to lapse into a long rambling post about my knife / blade phobia, which will involve me saying things like 'but I don't have problems buttering my toast'. Nobody wants that.

So, onto something a little more fluffy, because that's what is expected of me. I have a question. I'm slowly becoming an old lady, so I figured it was time to embrace that. I knit. I sew. I buy cider so I can put it in Somerset pork casserole, rather than so I can get ratted mid-week.

Next up, I figure I need to hone my ballroom dancing skills. That seems like the logical next step, no?

I'm ok with latin. I did a fair interpretation of the Cha Cha Cha with my dad at a dance a few weeks ago (no, you really did just read that right) so I'm ready to move up in the world. Where can I learn to do the American Smooth? I want to be like Kelly Brook (left), all Ava Gardner curls and Marilyn curves and amazing frocks.

I will need a partner, of course. Preferably someone who looks like William Holden and dances like Fred Astaire.

Email me if you can help...