Dear the majority of YouTube viewers,

People make these videos to entertain you. They work hard at it. If you make videos too, and / or write constructive comments, then good for you. You're in a very small minority that I love (lots and lots). Sadly, it seems to me that the majority of YouTube viewers seem to consider a 'contribution' to be a comment on a video that says something along the lines of 'your fucking shit u whore' or 'u rrrr gay lol'.

It doesn't matter if, by uploading these videos, people are consciously putting themselves out there for criticism. It doesn't matter if it's their job to make these videos, thus they have to 'deal with it' because they're getting paid. Nothing gives anyone the right to be so ridiculously mean all the time. You don't agree with someone? The words 'I disagree' are far more useful and relevant than 'fuck you'.

You don't like the way someone looks in a dress? There's no need to tell them they deserve to die. Someone reviews a product and says something you don't agree with? That doesn't make them a whore / fag. Just because a woman makes a video, it doesn't give you the right to have a disgusting conversation with your fellow commenters about her breasts (or worse). And you definitely shouldn't make ridiculous medical assessments along the lines of 'this person obviously has asperger's syndrome' just because you don't get their sense of humour (probably because you don't have one yourself).

Next time you're sat there taking valuable time from whatever exciting thing you usually do with your life to leave a badly spelled abusive comment to someone you've never met about how video reviewers need to 'get a life', please remember to look in the mirror first.

Love, Gemma.

Last night I met up for drinks with one of my 'fashion, dahhhlink' friends and ended up in a gay bar with some of her mates. There is something a bit mean about taking a single girl and putting her in the one place she definitely isn't going to pull, isn't there?

We established various things over the course of the night. Number one, I am tense. Very tense. There was - for reasons I really can't remember - a bit of a massage thing going on in our little corner, and when it got to my turn I was so tight it felt a little bit like someone was trying to kill me as my shoulders were pummeled into something resembling normality. I think it may be time to reorganise my desk at work and start booking myself in for weekly massages. That or I need a new mattress.

We also established - like I needed to be told - that I am the Charlotte. That is to say I will always be the sweet, innocent one who's shocked the most by whatever is said.

Everyone wants to be Carrie, and the four wardrobes, hundreds of shoes and the fact that I'm sat writing this on a laptop on my underwear (ok, jeans and a t-shirt) does give me a heads up in that department, but it all comes crashing down when people start talking about sex or ask me for my opinions on marriage. I'm Charlotte.

And I'm ok with that.

I'm supposed to be watching 'Lucky You'. Sadly the only good thing about it is the ability to yelp 'Been there!' every time there's a Vegas shot, and Drew Barrymore's hair. They both lose their appeal after an hour, so I've given up paying attention and decided instead to continue the ridiculously boring task of uploading photos to Flickr. I knew I shouldn't have taken so many pictures in Australia. I'm still only halfway through Sydney.

In other news, I am all blogged out. I'm guest editing one and a half blogs this week, and it's quickly losing its appeal now I'm realising I still have to do all my other work at the same time. Admin is even more annoying when it's taking up valuable writing time.Woe is me indeed. Anyway, the result of all that blogging at work is that I have absolutely nothing of any interest to blog about now.

Lucky you (ha! See what I did there?)

For those of you who don't know, this is Bella. She is the solitary living creature on this earth who depends on me for life. Poor thing. Over recent months, Bella has become even more temperamental than usual. She's always been a drama queen (I wonder where she gets that from?) but while previous dramas have usually involved her escaping (despite her home being the rodent equivalent of fort knox) now it's the opposite. She's taken to stopping movement all together. Now even the smallest change in temperature sends her into hibernation. Or as we like to call it 'eventual death'. Yep, Bubs is the Britney Spears of hamsters. If you don't give her attention, she curls up in a ball and plays dead and you wonder how long it'll be until her dreams become reality.

See hibernation isn't very good for hamsters, so I've spent a lot of time cooing, placing her by radiators and trying to make her lick drops of water off my fingers. Bella has been in and out of hibernation for the past few weeks, causing me and my housemate to wonder how long she had left...but yesterday - by moving her to the kitchen table, where apparently the temperature is a bit more to her liking - she finally came back to life. For how long? Only time will tell. At just over 2, she's an old lady now.

You'd never know it from the way she plays up for the camera, though, would you?

I promised I'd talk about Cairns to round off the 'Gemma went to Australia and all I got was this lousy blog post' fandango. So here goes...


Cairns was probably the best place we stayed in terms of the sheer amount of stuff we did and saw. As it was our last destination, we'd planned to relax and we did spend a fair amount of time in the pool at the hostel (yes, our hostel had a pool!) and watching really bad films while the rain poured down outside. But we also did so much.

Our first trip was to Kuranda, via the skyrail, a huge cable car that goes up through the rainforest to the village at the top. Jo had organised this day specifically so she could take me to the butterfly sanctuary at the top, but to be honest the butterflies almost paled in comparison compared to the trip up and back down again. Going back, we went on the Kuranda scenic railway, which you can see in the picture above. We pushed to boat out to go Gold Class, which meant free champagne to sip as we watched the world (and the waterfalls) go by. If you ever go to Cairns, you absolutely have to do this trip.

Finally, there was the biggie. The big boat trip to the Great Barrier Reef. I knew we were going to have a good day when one of the crew greeted us with "G'day my little ocean princesses". After three days of on and off rain we got the one gloriously sunny day, and it was fantastic. We'd originally planned to just snorkel - both of us are pretty proficient - but when they started talking about diving, we just thought to ourselves 'when will we ever be here again?' and had to give that a go too. Obviously since it was my first dive, I was only 6 metres down and I spent most of that time trying not to kick myself to the surface (oops) but once I settled into it I did see some amazing stuff. Sadly no reef sharks made an appearance, but we did see a sea turtle (You can almost sense them looking up at you and thinking 'duuuuuuude'), stingrays and every fish you can imagine. I also stroked the inside of a giant clam, which I doubt many people can say they've tried.

Now I have the post-holiday grumps. And writing about it doesn't help. So I'm going to shut up now...

Look at me looking all coy and cute and not-at-all posy (!) with my new haircut and permanent non blonde colour. Saying goodbye to blonde after 24 years was tough, but even I have to admit I look better like this, which is what I imagine my natural colour would be like if I'd ever seen it.



The picture was taken in my bedroom, where I have taken to covering up the disgusting 'I obviously rent this house' striped pastel wallpaper by sticking up photos, cuttings and postcards of things I love. I am literally the worst female stereotype. I have both Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe on my walls. I should just open up a shop in Stoke Newington / Richmond / West Hampstead selling pink, fluffy things, fake Cath Kidston, retro tea trays and black and white photographs and be done with it, seriously.

Also on my walls are JJ Feild (the man I plan to marry), Gwen Stefani, my mother on her wedding day, Romola Garai looking like Julie Christie in an InStyle photoshoot that I absolutely love and Kate Winslet in a Burberry coat that I dream about to this day. There are also quotes, birthday cards and all kinds of other crap. Surprisingly, there's no Zooey Deschanel. Yet.

One of the best things about our trip to Australia is the fact that it doesn't just exist in my head as a haze of hangovers and boozy nights. Yes, there were boozy nights (we needed something to encourage us to stalk Karl Kennedy) but most of the time we spent our money on things other than wine; seafood, boat trips, Roxy clothing, Tim Tams, accomodation. In three weeks I saw so much and experienced so many things and now - having been back for less than a week - it already seems so long ago.

In a nutshell, Australia is like England with better weather and friendlier people. Even in the middle of cities like Melbourne and Sydney, there's none of that feeling of rushed loneliness that you often get in London. You ask someone a question at a bus stop and they seem genuinely interested in helping you out, not pissed off that you can't just read the timetable yourself (on that note, Aussie bus timetables - especially those in Brisbane - are crap and don't list routes, just final destinations).

Since I've been back everyone has been asking what my favourite city was, and I honestly can't choose. I loved Melbourne and Sydney equally, and Cairns is still the ultimate Backpackers destination. Brisbane was my least favourite, but I think a lot of that had to do with the fact the hostel was a bit out of town (meaning a long walk each day in the sticky, thick heat) and they lost our original reservation (something you'd have thought - considering the sarcastic treatment we got on that first night - was our fault and not theirs) meaning our first night was not spent in the private room we'd booked four months ago, but in a shared mixed dorm with a bloke that snored.

Much of what we loved about our time in Brisbane was actually outside of the city itself. The Lone Pine koala sanctuary where I hugged gorgeous Goblin and fell in love with a baby koala I christened 'bubsy', our day on the Gold Coast (ruined slightly by seeing a poo in the sea at Surfers Paradise) and the boat ride up the river, which was a bit like an hour long episode of 'Cribs', looking at all the amazing houses lining the riverbanks. Your cash really does go further in Oz!

Sydney and Melbourne were both beautiful in different ways. Melbourne seemed more fun and laid-back, while Sydney was a bit more slick and stylish (giving me an excuse to get my dresses out). We were lucky enough to have a Sydney guide in the shape of Helen, while in Melbourne we had a proper Aussie BBQ with some distant family members of mine, which was really lovely. Melbourne obviously had the Neighbours link, which was great for Brit fans like Jojo and I. In Sydney, we spent most of our time on the beaches in Manly, Bondi and Coogee. We did a beach walk one day that - according to the guide book - should have been 5km and taken a couple of hours.

Liars.

Looking back at the photos (which I can't seem to upload to blogger at the moment, but they will eventually make it onto Flickr) I'm glad we did it, but on the day it was hot and clammy and we were finding it difficult to put one foot in front of the other by the end.

I'll tell you about Cairns tomorrow. I think I've rambled too much already...

Guess where I've been for the last three and a half weeks?


I'll update properly once the jetlag has sorted itself out. But until then, things I did in Australia...

- Scuba dived on the Great Barrier Reef
- Met Susan and Karl Kennedy from Neighbours
- Hugged a koala called Goblin
- Had my photo taken on Ramsay Street
- Dipped my toes in the ocean at Bondi beach
- Went into the rainforest on a cable car...
- And came back on an old-fashion train (first class, dahling)
- Swam at a faux beach on the banks of the Brisbane river
- Ate Crocodile, Emu and Kangaroo meat

And dranks lots of cocktails...