You Are Viewing Beauty

The fact I’m a bigger girl means I write a lot about more voluptuous women. Does this mean my body image is warped? Do I not ’see’ fat people any more?

Perhaps. Because I’m at a loss as to what kind of mad brainwashing would cause people to make ridiculous comments like this…

“As gorgeous as she is – she is overweight. Double standards here. I doubt we would ever hear you say, “XXX looks amazing with her protruding collar bone”. No wonder women are confused about what weight / shape is healthy.”

That comment was in response to this…

Now I know I’m at risk of turning this blog into a Christina Hendricks shrine at the moment, but seriously, that comment is just beyond my comprehension. The reaction to her Golden Globes dress I could at least try to understand. It was a risky choice, a fairly unflattering colour and it was fussy, which some people might argue is a bad choice for someone who’s not Hollywood slim.

But to call her unhealthy and overweight? Talk about going too far. In what possible way is this woman even close being overweight? Christina Hendricks is 5′8. To be even slightly overweight (going by the Body Mass Index, which is also what my doctor’s surgery relies on) she’d have to weigh 168lbs – that’s 12 stone. I can pretty much guarantee you she doesn’t weigh anywhere near that. One website lists her measurements as 36-32-36. I’m sure her waist is much smaller than that, given than mine is 32 inches. But either way, that makes her about a size 12. Hardly obese, is it?!

There’s only one saving grace in this for me. The place where I found the comment was actually The Daily Mail website, which we all know has its fair share of resident morons. The site allows other users to vote on people’s comments. The comment above is the worst rated comment, and for once, I totally agree with the 300 people (and counting) who think ‘FK’ from London needs to get a grip on reality.

When size 12 is fat, we’re all in trouble.

I was meant to be looking at the couture fashion week photos to admire the clothes, but instead, I found myself loving the hair. Now this is what you call a victory roll!

Above is at Eric Tibusch, but a couple of days earlier at Chanel, it was the same story and then some…

It’s kind of Varga girl meets Lily Munster. With BOWS. I love it.

With everyone doing their top ten lists in the rundown to the end of the noughties, I though it was only right I stuck my oar in with some lists of my own. I’m starting with an easy one – beauty products. Though a few of these may have gone on sale before 2000, it was in the last decade that I discovered them for the first time. This is my ultimate top ten of the last ten years…and believe me I had a tough time choosing.

10. B Never Too Busy To Be Beautiful eyeshadow in ‘Beach’ £8.30

With the news that Lush’s sister perfumerie / makeup emporium will be closing at the end of the year, this is very much a product of the Noughties. B started to get popular around the time I was working for Lush, and I definitely took advantage the staff discount during that time! There were a lot of products I likesd, but this is the one  I’ve continued to use constantly. Compared to other bold, bright, glittery offerings from the brand, it’s a pretty innocuous looking shimmery nude shadow, but it’s the perfect shade for highlighting, blending and creating a natural look on fair skin. It’s also ethical, long-lasting and packaged in a pretty jewelled pot. I’ve already stocked up for when the shops finally shut.

9. St Tropez Everyday Gradual Tan Body £14

I’ve tried dozens of fake tans and gradual tanners in the last couple of years. What I learned is what I secretly knew all along. St Tropez is the best. Perhaps not for everyone, but definitely for me and probably for a lot of you. The results are natural, noticeable and never orange. I use both the mousse formula self tan, and this new gradual tanner and matching face moisturiser (in medium / dark, oddly, considering my super-pasty skin). Both give amazing results, fade without too many streaks, and don’t make me smell (too much) like roast chicken and digestive biscuits while the colour is developing. After a disappointing experience with a spray tan (black feet for three days, anyone?) I now know I’m much better at DIY!

8. Max Factor Masterpiece Max Mascara £9.99

To be honest this list could just be my top ten mascaras, given how devoted I am to finding the perfect one. But when choosing my favourite mascara of the noughties, I considered three things: affordability, practicality and innovation, and this (just) topped the list. It has it all – it costs less than £10, it’s easy to apply, it lasts all day and it has something new and cool about it.  The 2000’s were all about newfangled mascara brushes, but unlike some of the other offerings that could be tricky to get used to (huge fat bristles, oscillating heads, combs, fans and ball shaped heads) this new plastic bristle brush actually made applying mascara easier. The flexible bristles grabbed lashes, coated them evenly and didn’t clump. The result was noticeable but natural. As a day to day mascara for someone who doesn’t want to fuss about, this is the ultimate.

7. Philosophy Amazing Grace Fragrance £32

As a rule I tend to go for slightly stronger, more unusual perfumes, but this has to make my 2000’s top list because it’s an amazing, unusual modern classic. What you’re essentially paying for is a perfume that smells clean and soapy…like the bubble baths you had as a kid, and you’d be surprised how appealing that is. In a world of sickeningly sweet celebrity fragrances and musky, mumsy scents, there is nothing else like this. It’s subtle, simple and addictive. I’m a huge fan of the matching 3-in-1 shampoo / shower / bath cream which comes in a huge bottle and last forever.

6. Sleek Makeup I-Divine eye makeup palettes £4.99

I’ve been lucky enough over recent years to have easy access to loads of expensive beauty products, and it’s very easy to become spoilt. But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a bargain too. Sleek’s range of eye palettes are tremendously good value, coming in at less than £5 but just as good, if not better, than things that cost £20+. It’s no wonder the limited edition ones sell out before most of us can get hold of them. The more shimmery shadows have a tendency to crumble a bit , but they blend well, the pigments are amazing for the price, and the palette is slim and sleek (natch) with a big mirror.

5. Origins Modern Friction face scrub £28

Most face scrubs are either sandpaper-rough or so mild they don’t feel like they’re doing anything. This is the perfect happy medium, with tiny but hardworking grains in a really rich creamy base. A little goes a long way, which makes the price tag a bit easier to bear, too. When I’m having bad skin days (which happen frequently) this always helps to sort it out, it’s particularly good for those irritating blocked pores around the chin and nose.

4. Nars blusher in Orgasm £18.50

As predictable as it is to include this, I had to. Magazines, experts and websites don’t rave about it for nothing. Somehow, Nars really have created the ‘does it all’ blusher. Not only is the shade universally flattering, but it gives an amazing ‘light from within’ look to the skin. I love this shade so much I don’t just have the blusher, I have the Multiple stick and a compact with a matching Laguna bronzer in as well. In the pan it looks incredibly shimmery and peachy, but it’s so finely milled and soft that on the cheeks it’s just incredibly natural and pretty. Worthy of all the praise it gets, this is a must-have.

3. Bumble & Bumble Thickening Spray £20

I tried some Bumble & Bumble shampoo and conditioner recently and it was, for want of  a better word, crap. The products did absolutely nothing for my hair and I was really disappointed. So it’s ironic that when it comes to styling products, I rarely use anything but B&B. From hairspray to defrizzer, they seem to do everything well, but the real wonder product is this thickening, volumising, mattifying spray. I like my hair big – be it straight, curly or roller-set – and this stops the roots from going flat and gives amazing texture without being sticky. It also seems to stop my hair getting greasy quite so quickly, making it perfect for a second day refresh on long hair. Just spritz it in, tip the head upside down and blast with the hairdryer!

2. Estee Lauder Idealist Pore Minimizing Skin Refinisher £49

I can spend £50 on a bottle of this without blinking – that’s how much I love it. A friend recommended it years ago for the way it’d helped with milia – those little white dots that many people get around the eyes. But it seems to do a bit of everything; it refines and smooths skin, it reduces the appearance of pores, acne scars and so on, and generally just makes skin look better.  When they changed the packaging and renamed it, for a minute I thought my favourite product was gone forever, but the new noughties version is just as brilliant and I will happily continue to splash out on it!

1. Batiste Dry Shampoo £2

I’ve said before that I should be on commission given the amount of times I’ve raved about Batiste. But I’ll do it one more time – this stuff is brilliant. It’s cheap, cheerful and a total lifesaver. A quick spray and rub into the roots of the hair adds body, soaks up oil and generally refreshes hair in between washes. I probably use this more than I should, but when you have long, super-thick hair that takes forever to wash and dry, a quick squirt of this stuff saves a whole lot of hassle. I like the new(ish) pink blush scent in the traditional white powder, but a lot of you will be happy to know there are now black and brunette versions for only a few pennies more.

Highly Commended: Benefit Dallas (for a great ‘I work outside, honestly’ glow), Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish (the best cleanser in the world?) Lush Daddy O (purple, violet scented shampoo for fabulous fair hair), Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb (a truly unusual ‘what does that remind you of?’ scent) Stila Smudge Pots (amazing gel eyeliner in loads of natural shades), Maybelline The Collossal (Who needs expensive Diorshow when you have this yellow devil?), Aussie Dual Personality shine serum (affordable and amazingly scented shine enhancer), Stila eyeshadow in Golightly (the perfect bronze / brown for day) & Gillette Venus (the first women’s razor that’s actually better than a man’s razor – just ask my boyfriend!).

So what are yours?!

It’s totally the wrong time of year for this review, but I didn’t go on holiday until late September so even then it would have missed the boat a bit. For those of you going away to sunny climes over the Winter break, here is a way of rubbing it in even more. For those of you who won’t be going away until next Summer, it gives you chance to stash a couple of quid a month so you can buy this in June!

This Summer, the folks at Imedeen were kind enough to send me some of their Tan Optimizer to try. I have very pale skin that just doesn’t seem to tan, so I thought I was a fairly good test subject. Some people argue that everyone tans, but I promise you that for 26 years I’ve found it really difficult to get my skin to go any colour other than bright lobster red. I lie in the shade, I top up my SPF 50 every couple of hours, and still if I get any colour it’s pink to say the least. And don’t tell me to use a lower SPF, try sunbeds or ’sit in the sun for a bit to get used to it’. I don’t want cancer, kthnx.

So a product that tops up all the stuff in the body that encourages a tan seemed like it might be a good solution. Tan Optimizer isn’t a miracle formula, and to be honest, you could probably get the same result from feasting on tomatoes (for the lycopene), taking loads of multivitamins and so on, but this offers all that in one smallish daily capsule. You take the capsules for four weeks before your trip, continue taking them while you’re away, and then continue after you return to prelong the tan. The idea is that it “supports your skin’s own sun protection mechanism”. You’ll still need to use an SPF, but if you take it properly, you should get a more even, longer-lasting tan.

So did it work? Well, if you bear in mind that I didn’t really sit out in the sun much, but walked around a lot in desert heat of 30 degrees plus and didn’t burn at all, then yes it definitely did. I didn’t go St Tropez bronze, but that wasn’t my plan. On my return people actually commented that I’d picked up some colour – a miracle for me. Looking back on photos of the holiday, I can see that my arms in particular did indeed tan lightly, and that colour lasted a good few weeks after I got home. For me, this is worth £40. It may sound a lot but I spend that on a taxi to the airport without thinking twice. Protecting my skin for a fortnight is worth far more than that (because every bad sunburn increases the risk of skin cancer).

Imedeen Tan Optimizer £38.50 for 60 capsules (2 month supply)

When the kind folks at Electric Shopping offered to send me one of the newfangled hair removal products to try, I couldn’t really say no. As far as I’m concerned, hair removal is up there with ironing and washing up in the list of things I hate doing the most so anything that might stop me having to do it so often is a winner in my book.

The no!no! is a gadget that uses ‘Thermicon’ technology to remove hair. Basically, it’s the no-laser home alternative to laser hair removal, using only heat to zap hairs in a similar way, disrupting the follicle to stop them coming back. It claims to reduce growth up to 64%, and is also pain-free. Sounds good, but it comes at a price - £139.99 to be precise, plus you may need replacement hot blades.

The product itself looks like a small epilator (I was sent the pink but it also comes in black and blue) and comes with all kinds of extras, including a DVD to show you how to use it. Sounds intense, but getting the hang of it does take some time so it’s worth watching. Once you do get confidence, it lives up to it’s pain free promise, and it’s pretty quick too… it takes slightly longer than shaving, but less than epilating.

So how does it work? First you choose the right element (one for longer hair or one for stubble), slot it in and turn it on. Then you hold the no!no! at a 90 degree angle to the skin, and move it along at a steady pace. A light will tell you if you’re moving at the right speed. It doesn’t hurt even if you mess up, you just might feel a tiny bit of heat if you go too slow. What is unnerving though is the smell. This product is essentially burning hair, so you won’t be surprised to hear that using it fills the room with the smell of, um, burning hair. That takes a bit of getting used to and it is a big con (the guide suggests burning scented candles as you use it – not a bad idea).

Between using the no!no! on each area, you then pause to use the buffer (think very fine sandpaper) to buff the treated area. This removes bits of burnt hair and dry skin and any bits that have been missed. It reminds me a bit of using the silkymit (anyone remember that?) without the intense burning pain an hour later. This new-wave buffer is very fine and soft, but it does the job.

The makers of no!no! are very clear on the fact it may not remove all the hair at first, and you have to make a commitment to use it a few times a week minimum at first to see real results. This was a slight problem given the fact I was reviewing the product in the middle of Summer when I had my legs out all the time, but you can shave in between uses if need be (it’ll just slow down the process of reducing hair growth). As I’m fair-haired naturally, the hairs on my legs aren’t that noticeable anyway so it wasn’t too much of an issue, but worth bearing in mind if you’re darker. If you’re thinking of investing, this time of year is the time to give this a go, as you’ll be in tights or trousers most of the time so a bit of regrowth / missed sections as you get used to using it won’t be on show!

So the big question is…did I see results? Yes, I did, though I have some way to go. This is a long-term solution and there are no quick miracle results, so I’ll probably check in to this review in a few months to update. As of now, the hairs on my legs take longer to grow back and are finer when they do, and I think that will continue. I like that the no!no! is pain-free and easy to use, and it doesn’t make much noise either so I can use it while watching TV or listening to music. There’s no mess and it’s small and easy to store away – all good plus points. The main downsides are the smell, and the fact that it is expensive, but it’s actually not much pricier than a good epilator and is definitely a better option. Overall, I give it the thumbs up, and I hope in time they can reduce the cost so more people can give it a go!

* no!no! Hair Removal System, £139.99 at Electric Shopping

It’s time for another mascara review, as I hunt for the perfect lash perfector. I’m going to try and alternate between makeup counter options and bargain alternatives, because I truly believe there are some £5 mascaras out there that really do the job.

Today, however, is the turn of the pricey ‘Sumptuous’ from Estee Lauder, a £17+ treat in a swish gold tube that promises bold volume and lift.

Now I like drama, and when I was buying this, that was what I was promised. Well, actually I was told I should try the TurboLash with its vibrating brush, but the idea of putting something that vibrates so close to my eyes freaks me out, as does the £27.40 price tag. So Sumptuous it was.

All in all, this does the job. It’s a proper old-school mascara, with a classic mid-sized bristle brush and quite a thick, dense creamy texture. Where it really impressed me was that it just doesn’t clump. Cheaper mascaras of a similar thickness (Rimmel Volume Flash, for example) give bold results but need loads of combing through to separate the lashes after application. With this, I only needed a couple of coats for a daytime lash, but I found I could keep on adding it without any clumping.

However, it takes quite a lot of coats for anything resembling the false lash look I like, but I do have high hopes when it comes to that. As a does-it-all daytime mascara, it looks the part, stays on all day, and doesn’t weigh down the lashes. Whether it’s worth £17 I’m not sure, but the lack of clumps definitely makes it a cut above many rivals.

Estee Lauder Sumptuous Mascara £17.13

Before: Maybelline Stiletto Lash
Next: Rimmel Glam’Eyes

Last night I was supposed to go to a burlesque class with the lovely Zara. Unfortunately, I’ve come down with a weird cold / cough bug that’s rendered me grumpy and sofa-ridden when I should have been prancing about with a feather boa.

So in an attempt to cheer myself up late last night, I attempted my own little burlesque / pin-up girl homage in the privacy of my own bathroom. I never really wear my hair up, and you can probably see why. These are the kind of ridiculous photos that will a) come back to haunt me in a few years time and b) not be possible when I move in with the boy later this Summer. So enjoy while you can!

I’d like to tell you how I did the hair, but I really can’t. It’s neat in the front, but at the back there’s all kinds of partying going on. It involved masses of dry shampoo, a lot of kirby grips and a dozen of those annoying metal sectioning clips that either slide out or get ridiculously tangled up. I really don’t know how Bernie Dexter does it.

I’ve been talking about mascara a lot on Twitter recently. As makeup goes, it seems to be the thing that gets people most angry / passionate / vocal. Ironically it’s also the thing I probably spend the least amount of money on. While my skin is coated in £25 foundation and my lips given a bit of shine with £15 lipgloss, the mascara I use rarely costs much more than a fiver.

Thing is, I’ve never found the perfect one. So I’m still on the lookout. Plenty have impressed me, an equal number have let me down. I’m sure you’re the same, ladies, so in an attempt to perform some kind of service on this blog other than amusing myself, I’ve decided I should try as many mascaras as I possibly can and share the results.

I’ll start with Maybelline Lash Stiletto. Looks pretty, has a quirky idea behind it, and doesn’t cost the earth. Sadly, I found it a little ‘meh‘. It does what it’s supposed to – adds gloss and loads of length, but I just wasn’t wowed by it. Maybelline are the mascara brand but this one isn’t their best, I think it’s just a bit too thin. I like drama and drama with this means four or five coats.

One thing I did love, however, was the brush. It’s a godsend if you’re fed up of HUGE brushes or plastic bristles or whatever other ‘new’ idea is trying to reinvent the wheel. This goes back to basics, it’s a long-bristled, narrow brush that gets to the roots and drags the lashes out and up. It’s really good for lower lashes and it allows so much control I can apply it on the train without smudging.

Yes, I do my makeup on the train. Please don’t judge me. It’s A 45 minute commute and I like my sleep!

Maybelline Lash Stiletto: £7.82 (with £2 off at Boots now)

Next: Estee Lauder Sumptuous.

Girls Aloud. False eyelashes. Girls Aloud false eyelashes. Brilliant.

Rumour has it the girls got through 145 pairs of falsies on their last tour, so this collaboration with Eylure was a match made in heaven. Of course, Girls Aloud are not exactly known for their minimalist, pared down style, so it won’t surprise you that even the most ‘natural’ lashes are pretty over the top.

Since I knew everyone else would go for Cheryl’s, I decided to give Nicola’s lashes a go. They’re quite fine and natural in the centre, but soon graduate into super-dramatic wings at the sides. Obviously, I had to finish the look with a side parting and pale lips. If you’re going to do 60s, you may as well go all out.

I have to admit, I love them. I really didn’t want to, but Eylure have always made reliably dramatic lashes at a good price (these are just under a fiver at Superdrug) and adding Girls Alound into the mix is no bad thing. Sarah’s next, perhaps?

The new work people made me do it!